Distract me from myself

It’s the morning of my phone interview, and I’m feeling really jittery. The anticipation gets me very anxious – I’m pretty sure it’s more like birds than butterflies that are fluttering in my stomach. People have told me some tips on how to calm your nerves – from eating bananas (something about potassium?) to watching epic videos on youtube.

So I was on the brink of distress when – almost instinctively – I picked up the rosary and began to pray. For about fifteen minutes, I felt the beads between my fingers as I reflected on the mysteries. As the words of Hail Mary pass through my mind, I cue in on Jesus’ baptism (although I think the dove coming down from heaven and God’s booming voice kind of steal the show), the wedding at Cana, the proclamation of the Gospel, and the Eucharist. By focusing more on God and less on myself, my racing heart calmed down and my anxieties were quelled by a sense of peace.

Why pray? Why meditate?

I’m a very distracted person. I uselessly glance at my phone without really looking at it and refresh my Facebook feed for new notifications. At home, I wander into the kitchen to forage for snacks when I’m not even hungry. When people talk to me, I tune out (or was texting instead of listening). Maybe you know what I’m talking about – we’re a generation with so much distraction literally at our fingertips. My grandmother calls it the “lowered head syndrome.”

Me.

My phone got taken away from me today.

No, it wasn’t stolen, and no, it wasn’t a punishment. At the retreat house, after turning in our phones at the check-in, we had about five hours of silent meditation. As friends in my community curled up on couches nearby, we quietly prayed, meditated, journaled, and read. You could hear the busy cars passing by outside. A neighbor was watching TV a little too loud.

But we were quiet, and it was in those times of stillness, when things start to happen.

Then the LORD said, "Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will be passing by." A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD--but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake--but the LORD was not in the earthquake.

After the earthquake there was fire--but the LORD was not in the fire. After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound.

When he heard this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went and stood at the entrance of the cave. A voice said to him, "Elijah, why are you here?"- 1 Kings 19 11-13

That’s why I pray. Because I need to calm down from the howling winds, blazing fires, groundbreaking earthquakes in my life. The voices of people I know and the messages of society are pounded into my head and crowd out my thoughts… they push out God. The words “YOU’RE FAT. BUY THIS. MAKE MONEY.” begin to define me rather than the words “This is my beloved son with whom I am well pleased.”

Sometimes we just need to shut up and listen.

To our true selves which might be locked away.

To God who is in the heart of it.

Pope John Paul II and Mother Theresa. Two very awesome people.

But can you be best friends with someone you haven’t even spoken to? Similarly, our relationship with God is something that needs effort. Tea time with God! Catch up with Jesus. Prayer isn’t easy. One thing that I discovered for myself this year is that there are many ways to pray. It's not just sitting there with your eyes shut. It's also when you're moved by music, when you do kind acts, when you read words of wisdom. Prayer comes in many forms. We encounter God in many different ways, even though sometimes we don't feel it. That’s why it is so much more amazing when we meet holy people. And we ask holy people to pray for us. (Yes, I mean saints and Mother Mary, who knows Jesus and points us to Him when we pray the rosary). People who are close to God can help us be closer with him.

Whether we realize it or not, in our hearts we yearn for God, 
and so when we come into contact with someone close to God, 
our hearts are moved.

— Fr John Bartunek, LC